Learn to trust my own intuition and judgement.
That’s the only lesson I picked up from reading a love story submission from a friend. I read it two weeks ago and decided to post it on the 14th Feb. Yeah…the Saint Valentine’s Day! Although I seriously think that we should be celebrating love EVERYDAY: with our lover/partner, family and friends. Not only on the 14th of Feb. Valentine’s day is just like any other day. Anyway, in case you are wondering what the title means. Literally, translated as: I love you more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. Or the same as, I love you more and more each day. After reading the story, I guess I need to learn how to trust my intuition and judgement more. Nevertheless, everything that I wrote previously about respect, love, loyalty and commitment still holds true. No matter what other people said to me these past few weeks.
Some of his points that I don’t quite agree are highlighted in red. But well, everyone is allowed to have an opinion and we need to agree to disagree at one point, don’t we? I re-arranged some of his original sentences just to get the point across more effectively, but the content is still the same.
Here we go. All credits go to the guest writer. You know who you are:)
I consider LOVE as something very natural, just like having my own heartbeat. Since we’ve been together, I have no interest in any other woman. Not even a bit, it is perfect like this. I can speak freely with any other woman, realizing that she will never be like her. Even though she may not be perfect *yes, NO ONE is perfect*, but she has passed my high standards with flying colors. I have always thought that if I meet someone like that, I should go for it all the way, and I did. I went along and trusted my intuition. I followed her here, to Singapore. No matter how many judging eyes and stereotypes that people may hold about European-Asian couples. What really matters is only what she and I think. We decided to be together. Friends, acquaintances and family have to accept it. Never mind what others think. That would be my first advice to you.
“If you have what you’ve always wanted *not necessarily in the love area*, hold onto it at all cost. Never mind what the people think. People love to judge, laugh at you, question you, but those people probably don’t have very good lives themselves. Don’t let their negative opinion about your life and your decisions become your concern.”
Life is a constant battle of your own judgement versus the judgement of others. I have always been a self-confident person *up to the point that people (erroneously) called me arrogant*. Nevertheless, I remain true to myself and trust my own judgement. I am well-educated, have seen something of the world, met many different people from different cultures and backgrounds, have earned myself a PhD job based on my own excellence and is living in one of the best countries with my dream fiancée. I’m happy with my current life. Of course, there were moments that I had to make difficult decisions, but I am proud I did what I did. I have very few regrets. So here is my second advice for you, summarized in the words of Israel’s first female Prime Minister:
“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.”― Golda Meir
It is good to have high standards for potential partners. They are of no use, however, if no one ever passes them. I think I have high standards. To name a few: I would not accept a partner who drinks a lot, who has bad teeth, who smells bad or has ugly hands. Generally, taking care of the body is important. She needs to be exactly the right height (which means: a lot smaller than me) and dress well. Yes, physical appearance matters. “True beauty is on the inside” is a proverb made up by ugly people. I am not claiming to be the most handsome man on the planet, even though my blue eyes and tall posture make up for a lot, but there is no point denying that physical attraction matters *agree to a certain extent, beauty is really in the eye of the beholder. Physical attraction is important, YES. But when both of you become older with lots of wrinkles and withering faces, you have to look beyond this and still love her the way she is. Even when she has no more teeth, if she fell sick and too weak to take care of her own body, when her hands are not pretty anymore: bulging veins, wrinkles, loss of volume, fat and elasticity. Ugly hands. Will you promise to still love her anyway?* Other important factors are mental abilities (intelligence, emotional factors, dealing with stress and pressure, etc.), interests, norms and (political) views.
On the other hand, I once asked her what she likes so much about me and her answer was spot-on: we went through similar development. We grew to a certain independence at 17/18 years old, unlike many others. Suddenly you need to make sure you pay your bills on time, that you eat your meals and that your room is clean, and there is no one to do all that for you. You go through good times and bad times, good experiences and bad experiences, but as a person, all those experiences shaped and defined who you are today. So even though we had different native language, culture and dreams; our personalities, ideas and norms must have converged at that time and even more so in Paris, the city of love. She was a quiet student and unlike many Asians, she liked to hang out with her fellow non-Asian students. We were just friends at first. I found out that I liked her that way, I could joke with her and she could take that. We were part of the same group of friends and we didn’t pay much special attention to each other at that time. That came later, certainly from my side, and I think also from her side even though she denies up to this day.
In the beginning of our relationship, she needed to change a lot: making the transition from single to relationship life. There were times I asked why she walked far away from me, even ran across train stations, seemingly without noticing me, she was basically OK with any kind of (physical) distance. It puzzled me. It was as if we were living separate lives even though we were officially a couple. On one of our first dates, she told me something like “we don’t have much to talk about.” She didn’t start any conversation and didn’t really give long answers to anything at first. If I had given up trying to have conversations with her, we wouldn’t have been here now. I persevered. Not long after, we can even talk about potential marriage in the future. This topic came mostly from her side. She was afraid it would scare me, but it didn’t. I think that if you don’t have at least a rough vision of a common future, a relationship is doomed to fail. It was a sign of her maturity. I appreciate her initiative until today.
Well, that’s the end. Thank you for sharing:). It’s a pleasure reading your love story.
All the very best for your wedding preparation. I wish both of you a happy blissful marriage ahead!!:)
*gave out these babies for my close friends and family last year. None for this year. Apology:)